DIALOGUE number 1
In this dialogue Julie has been struggling with what I sometimes refer to as ‘Mental Panic’ where the mind catastrophises about everything. The key is to remember that you deal with it exactly as you would with physical symptoms.
J – I am so scared .. so tired..
R – why
J – feel so depressed.
Robin: why
J – don’t know..
R – tell me what u are thinking
J – I wish i was dead right now. very very depressed at the moment. ..crying.. I will be ok after some time.
R – what thoughts did u have BEFORE u felt this tell me what is going through your head
J – cant manage anything .. .. John today again talked to me so insultingly .. but i could not say anything.. scared that he would leave .. he threatened that he would leave.. i cant say .. ok go.. i don’t care.. i hate myself for being so weak after he said i will go .. i am shivering.. with panic.. what kind of life is this..
R – remember I explained to you about ‘mental panic’ –
thoughts spiral – the mind catastrophises about everything
J – I cant raise melanie independently .. cant earn… cant do anything.. I was thinking i should just give up on everything and go live in a cave somewhere .
R – ok – do you think you could follow my instruction
J – I will try..
R – ok right now i want you to start the same process as with physical panic – let go all over – REALLY do this ok
J – ok
R – ok – let go all over
i want u to be a scientist right now
observe how this all works
feel yourself sitting on the chair
let your shoulders drop
J – ok
Robin: feel yourself breathe from the stomach
observe it rise and fall
now – i want you to let go TOWARDS all thoughts and feelings
whatever they may be
just for this one minute you move TOWARDS them
no resistance
ALLOW the ‘depression’ and all the thoughts to exist
don’t fight it – at all
feel where it comes out on the body
where do the feelings arise in the body –
stomach – shoulders – head?
feel where there is constriction – tightness – or dullness
J – the thoughts are going on and on .
R – that’s ok – let them –
just OBSERVE
they are just thoughts
J – i feel so frustrated.. can i write what i am thinking.. ?
R – sometimes the ‘content’ of the thoughts isn’t as much of a problem as our anxiety about having frightening or depressing thoughts.
try labelling them – just say – “i am thinking thoughts ABOUT ……”
then let them go
try to sit BACK and observe rather than get pulled INTO them
see them like clouds drifting in and out
J – cant sit back right now.
R – u can sit back enough to say u cant sit back
so u are more able than u think
J – true – yes
R – BE that person who is seeing the thoughts going on and on and disliking them – that part of u is perfectly neutral
u cant be the thoughts in fullness because you don’t LIKE them
so they are separate in a sense
I call it ‘mental panic’ – this happens
J – i am caught up in vicious cycle.. in thoughts .. in life.. don’t know how to stop thinking this way..
R – its just a variation of the panic cycle
ask yourself are u STIRRING with MORE thoughts ABOUT the thoughts
J – no .. I feel I am just thinking completely subjectively … and not with much
melodrama.. just pure grief.
R – that’s what you imagine – but you just wrote
“i am caught up in vicious cycle.. in thoughts .. in life.. don’t know how to stop thinking
this way.”.
can u see that there is a lot of added fear ABOUT how you are thinking
J – yes.. lol.. felt a little ok.. at this minute.
I could breath…
R – it really IS just a mental panic attack
Julie: ok
R – I have had them myself and have seen MANY people with this
J – ok
R – they FOOL us because we don’t see them as straightforward panic
we think its ’emotional’ – that it’s the ‘truth’ about us
doesn’t seem like it could be due to adrenaline and the anxiety cycle
J – ok
ok – I almost felt I could sit back for a second 🙂
R – if u observe closely u will see that u DO add secondary fearful thoughts ABOUT the thoughts
its exactly same as panic about physical sensations – so it helps if you do the same practice
J – it did turn into a physical panic attack for me.. i started trembling.. and my throat was dry…
R – yes – exactly – so let go towards it all – the thoughts and feelings
let go all over like u were letting go of a scrunched up sponge
J – yes
R – go LIMP
let shoulders drop
feel yourself in the room
come back to your senses
hear any sounds
look around
smile
seriously 🙂
J – yes – I can see my mind going round in circles 🙂
R – go on – u can do it
🙂
ok – and always remember to feel your stomach rise and fall
that’s a great anchor – and let ALL thoughts be as bad as they want to be
J – this is building up since day before yesterday.. when i said i am feeling panic..
but it didn’t reach its peak then.. .
R – yes – that happens – ‘Anticipatory Anxiety’
but remember – its ok – u are in no danger AT ALL
it just feels horrible
J – yes
R – and even this ‘depressed’ feeling will pass soon
its a bluff
but keep ALLOWING it to exist
J – i feel as if i have reached a breakdown point.
Robin:
u haven’t trust me – this is very common
J – ok
R – just let go towards EVERYTHING
right now go limp
let go
allow
smile
and when u find yourself ‘stirring’ the pond
step back
withdraw the ADDED thinking
let the first thoughts do their thing
like clouds drifting by
just watch them
they are just thoughts
J – feel so sad right now. ..
R – ok – let that feeling BE
where is it in your body
be a scientist
instead of creating FUTURE thoughts
like “I will never get better – my life will ALWAYS be like this..”
just be here RIGHT NOW
with the PHYSICAL outcome of that feeling
J – ok
R – so tell me – where is the physical feeling of that
search around
where is sadness right now in your body
as a physical feeling
J – my eyes are burning… ears are burning.. my neck is hurting.. and i am feeling
funny in my stomach. and my feet are trembling.
R – right
so let that be as it is – that is all just sensation
J – ok
R – let it all happen
cant do u any harm
relax TOWARDS all those feelings
just be with them now
when ‘future’ thinking comes up
see that as ‘stirring’
‘secondary fear’
pointless
it just keeps u feeling horrible
so why bother
so again – let go – go limp
observe your stomach rise and fall
smile
feel body sensations as they are
let them be
don’t resist
even with thoughts
stop FOCUSSING in on your SELF
look at something in the room
and really SEE it
feel that you have broken the ‘spell’ of self focus
keep doing that
like snapping out of a dream
let go all over
smile
BREATHE
and take in OTHER things
its ok to feel not ok sometimes
its just an experience
J – ok .. difficult right now.. but i will try .
R – its a choice at some stage
J – yes
R – as long as you self focus and add negative thoughts u will feel horrible
but if u let go and step back
J – yes
R – stop adding thoughts
let thoughts BE
then get on with other things
if i were u i would go for a walk
J – ok
R – and practice
J – i will do that
yes
R – but remember – don’t walk and ‘stir’ the thoughts
lol
J – 🙂
R – take this practice very seriously
in the sense of doing it over and over till it works
J – yes .
R – u will find yourself drifting into thoughts
then catch it – and practice
J – ok yes
R – then u will drift again
then catch it again
J – yes..
R – and be MINDFUL
of life OUTSIDE ‘Julie’
J – yes
yes
R – life is perfectly ok
but your mind is just racing
J – yes
R – but YOU are ok too because YOU are part of life
and YOU don’t even WANT these thoughts
J – yes
R – doesn’t that make u wonder
who are YOU that doesn’t want the thoughts
are the thoughts YOU
they cant be if YOU don’t WANT them
YOU are fine – neutral
but you are getting drawn into the thoughts
which are JUST thoughts
then they make you anxious
and then you add MORE thoughts and so on
J – yes
R – the key is to stop ADDING to this
and when u ‘get this’ u will be AMAZED
it is the most precious learning ever
to see that thoughts really ARE just thoughts
for the rest of your life u will feel a greater sense of strength
this is best thing i learned from panic
but it was hell learning it
so i know how u feel
J – 🙂
R – so u catching it a bit?
Julie: yes – will go for walk .
R – ok – it will take a while
but what i want you to do is to try to not let it go too long without u ‘catching’ it
J – ok
R – it will come and go and come and go
J – yes
R – but persevere
Julie: yes
R – and most of all RE FOCUS – to OUTSIDE
and smile
its NOT avoidance
don’t BLOCK the thoughts
just stop giving them ALL your attention
that’s unnatural
be mindful of everything without judging anything
thoughts – body
the ‘depression’
the road
people
sky
J – yes
R – then when the ‘future’ thoughts come in
like “my life is always going to be like this..”
catch it
smile
and straight back to practice
J – ok
R – even if you feel really drawn to the thoughts of gloom
J – 🙂
R – so – this is GREAT practice for u today
J – 🙂
R – seriously though
this one helped me feel more stable than the practice with physical sensations
afterwards..
once i saw that i could be ok even with these horrible thoughts i felt SO ok
J – you seem so clear. i wish i were so different .. I wish I felt as clear as you do
R – u are stirring again – lol
J – 🙂 yes lol