In this dialogue Julie had decided to do an exposure exercise that was high on her fear hierarchy – it was too much too soon and she had a panic attack and is still in an anxious state with her mind catastrophising about the experience.
J – i went to bus stand. i went to ticket window. could not stand in the line..
thought i would sit .. but could not.. then i went to railway station.. its just next gate to bus. i took tea at stall and sat on bench. and the whole end passage of anna karenina kept coming to my mind. .. i felt so much panic.. i tried to think of script .. of the end scene.. but just could not…. just felt i want to end this .. i felt i should die.. and then panicked so much.. immediately called mother.. told her to be at phone.. thought i would die before getting into taxi.
R – ok..
u just tried too much too soon
It’s ok – u need to follow me RIGHT NOW
J – I hate this .. i can’t even go on a simple journey. i hate this so much.
R – ok – right now it will help if you catch your mind catastrophising
it is stirring adrenaline
lets get u settled first
then u can talk
this is all PERFECTLY ok
u just did too much at wrong time
and u have just had strong panic
and u feel like its all worse
‘setback’
Julie: i don’t want to be alive being a vegetable.
R – its OK – STOP – catch it
are u going to listen
or write a script
J – yes – ok
R – ok – CATCH yourself ADDING to your fear with your thoughts
u are doing EXACTLY that
J – yes
R – NOTHING is happening except that
it STILL is just adrenaline
J – yes
R – u have had this many times in past and nothing came of it except fear
u just FEEL scared
nothing else
J – yes
R – there is no ‘actual’ danger
but it sure FEELS horrible
u just have to go over it gently again
J – yes. i hate it. wouldn’t mind if i was blind or crippled. this is too bad.
R – Catch the mind catastrophising
get back with me
J – yes
R – relax stomach
breath from stomach
I want u to feel your stomach rise and fall
gently
breathe out longer than in
as u breathe out let go TOWARDS it all
J – yes
R – let shoulders fall
feel your feet on the ground
go limp
imagine u are pinnochio with strings cut
half smile:-)
J – yes
R – BREATHE easy
Julie: yes
R – stop stirring the pond
all is ok
J – yes
R – doesn’t matter that this has happened – its very normal – its ok
its just adrenaline causing some very weird feelings in your body
just lots of movement all stirred up
but that’s all
so again
relax stomach
J – ok
R – feel it rise and fall
observe it
breath out gently and long
half smile
shoulders drop
feel ground
feel yourself in room
all is ok
its ok to feel panic
J – i felt so relaxed when i crossed the bridge and came near home.
R – yes – that’s because u stopped stirring with mind
same as now
just practice
it will all settle
even if u didn’t practice it will settle
cant last forever
adrenaline has a limit each time
so relax stomach
breathe gently
watch stomach rise and fall
J – feel such a fake writing this script without knowing fearlessness or freedom. i am not going to write anything anymore.
R – STOP 🙂
STOP 🙂
STOP 🙂
back to me
J – yes
R – let go towards it all
YOU are stirring the adrenaline
nothing else
just yourself
J – sorry
R – just remove the stick
stop stirring
its good for u to see the stirring in action
J – i am so sorry. have given you nothing but trouble last two months. .. ok
R – that is stirring again
J – sorry
R – take the stick out COMPLETELY
J – ok
R – choose right now to stop stirring
J – yes
R – don’t add more fuel
i want you to be very loving to your mind and body right now
tell it everything is ok
that there is no danger
half smile
let body know it can go off high alert
poor thing is trying to help
J – my grandmother who is past 90 could walk three flights of stairs yesterday.. i just cant stop hating myself right now. ..
R – STOP 🙂
you need to participate in this too
J – so sorry . yes
R – ok – hold it
J – sorry
yes
R – YOU have to practice right now
J – yes
sorry
R – override your mind
J – yes
R – YOU take over
J – yes
R – let go all over
smile
ALLOW THIS ALL TO EXIST
ACCEPT
FACE
J – yes
R – FLOAT with it all
J – yes
R – and realise it will take a bit of time
J – yes
R – just keep letting it happen
don’t try not to panic
u are in no danger whatsoever
J – yes
R – u just think u are
it is JUST sensations
absolutely nothing else at all
so relax in that knowledge
J – yes
R – it will only ever be sensations
J – yes
R – lots of people are going through this right now
its a very common problem
i went through it
i had all those thoughts
and fears and regrets and self doubts etc
VERY normal
and ok
J – yes
R – let yourself have them
its ok
ok smile
let go
relax stomach
allow the feelings to exist
J – could breath
R – lol
J – yes
R – keep letting go TOWARDS it all
even just a bit
u are in NO danger
J – yes
R – just sensations
nothing more
J – yes
R – breath easy
feel stomach rise and fall
drop shoulders
J – yes
R – feel yourself IN the room
feel the steadiness of the room
GROUND yourself IN that
J – I feel sleepy now
R – listen
see
be AWARE of the room
J – suddenly feeling very cold.
R – feel the TEMPERATURE
J – 🙂
R – good – smile
drop shoulders
it will all settle
Julie: feel ok now.
R – just adrenaline
J – i am feeling ok now
R – 🙂
ok – keep practicing
J – will go sleep . yes.
R – keep letting go
VERY important that you don’t stir it up again
J – yes
R – when u start to think tell your mind u will get back to it LATER
once the pond has settled
J – yes
R – there is no big rush to think
u have lots of time
J – actually cant stop thinking. as if its a radio that i cannot shut off. right now its on on one level
R – its ok that is fight or flight as well
J – but i can also practice
R – mind on high alert
ready for any danger
its quite brilliant
but in middle of a room we can’t see why we would feel anxious
so we panic thinking something more serious must be happening
J – yes
R – but it’s perfectly normal and ok
it just feels horrible
J – yes
R – but can NEVER EVER EVER do u any actual harm
in fact it is OPPOSITE
J – yes
R – this is all trying to help u
be kind to body
it is trying to be so nice
ok
J – i am ok now
R – i know 🙂
J – 🙂
R – u just had perfectly normal panic
always feels SO worse than ever lol
but it never is
J – yes
R – u just did a flooding exercise – it was too much too soon lol
no harm done
don’t worry in slightest that u did this and had panic
you just weren’t ready for it that’s all
we can amend it and get back on track no problem at all
J – ok
R – so u feel sleepy
J – very tired
R – great
ok before u go – one more time
let go all over
smile
J – yes
R – relax stomach
observe it rise and fall several times
keep your attention on it
J – yes
R – it is very helpful focus
just observe it rise and fall
J – yes
R – now allow all to be as it is
feel your feet on the ground
be aware of the room
listen
hear
see
feel the temperature
let your shoulders drop
smile
remember its just adrenaline
J – yes
R – u stirred it up
no big deal
u did it yourself by mistake
that’s all
nothing was ever wrong
u just thought that
just FELT bad that’s all
let your body know that everything is ok
no danger
false alarm
no need for any assistance
smile
go limp
strings cut
go floppy
smile
breathe easy
J – 🙂
yes – yawn 🙂
R – remember – catch yourself writing a big script about it
it’s a waste of time
J – yes
R – catch it and say ‘stop’
J – yes
R – tell it u will think LATER
lol
🙂
J – yes 🙂